Category: Creativity

• The Most Powerful Thing You Can Be is Present

  It’s easy to get caught up in your thoughts and become bogged down by the weight of the past or anxieties about the future, all the while missing out on the one super power we all have the ability to possess: presence.

  

  There’s a scene in the movie Lady Bird that I adore. It’s between the protagonist, Lady Bird, and a nun as they are discussing her college admissions essay:

  “I read your college essay. You clearly love Sacramento.”

  “I do?”

  “You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.”

  “Well, I was just describing it.”

  “Well, it comes across as love.”

  “Sure, I guess I pay attention.”

  “Don’t you think that maybe they are the same thing? Love, and attention?”

  This scene has stuck with me as I’ve wondered what love means over the years. More recently I’ve found that the only way to truly pay attention, and therefore to love, is to live life in the present moment. 

  Isn’t it odd to think about how our lives only ever happen in the present? In some sense we know this, but the past and future can feel so real and important that they often occupy most of our thoughts and keep us distracted from enjoying what is happening right here, right now, in the only moment that ever exists. 

  I didn’t know about the concept of presence until a few years ago when I read Eckhart Tolle’s books “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth”. I still valued presence even though I hadn’t really thought about it, and I tried not to be distracted when I would spend time with my family or friends. I had learned over the years just how much we all crave each other’s undivided attention, and I think I learned it most when working with children whose busy parents and teachers couldn’t always give them the undivided attention that they craved and deserved.

  I have worked with kids from different parts of the world, in and outside of the United States, from various socioeconomic backgrounds, races, cultures and ages. No matter what makes these children different, one thing that makes them the same is how they blossom when an adult truly cares about them and is present with them. I have witnessed how much children notice when you are not distracted by your phone, that they pay attention to how much attention you pay them, and if you remember the things they tell you and take a genuine interest in who they are. 

  I think one of the biggest threats to presence today is the prevalence of social media, technology, and the endless forms of entertainment that distract us. Sure, the internet can be amazing when it comes to sharing information widely, like I’m doing right now, and connecting with people far and wide, but it has an ugly side too. I very much dislike all of the harm it causes and how it continues to shorten our attention spans. 

  I have stopped using most forms of social media because I’ve noticed how much time I spend scrolling while gaining little value. Even when I try to use apps that I think will be less addicting I still find myself turning to them to scratch an itch that keeps me occupied and distracted. I don’t like going to concerts or events and so many people are documenting what’s happening on their phones without actually taking it in and enjoying the moment, and I don’t like being around friends or family who are there with me physically but not in actuality because they are on their phones. 

  I wonder what this all does to children whose formative years will be spent being entertained by phones, tablets and TVs, while their parents sit nearby on their own screens, yet aren’t really there for them. It means so much to a child, or anyone really, to receive someone’s undivided attention and I believe it is becoming more and more of a precious commodity. 

  Wherever I am, I want to be there fully. I want to notice what is happening around me and appreciate all that the moment has to offer.

  Two of my strongest passions in life currently are traveling and surfing. I think one of the reasons they are is because when I do them I am much more present than I am at any other time. I pay more attention. Both because I want to and I have to, for safety reasons. When I travel I am not concerned about my past or what I’ll be doing in the future because I am too focused on soaking up everything that there is to experience in the present. I am always learning and being challenged, everything is new and it’s as if my senses are in overdrive.

  When I surf I am using all of my energy and awareness to stay safe in the ocean and try to catch a wave. I am still a beginner, so I have to be very aware of my surroundings and be in tune with my body. I’m paying attention to the way it feels to propel myself over a wave, hop up on my board, and find my balance as I ride a surge of energy towards the shore. I feel joy and peace gushing out of me when this happens. I really do think this happens because in those moments that is all that exists for me. I am engulfed in the present moment. I’m not bogged down by time, commitments, who I think I am supposed to be, money, or anything else. Interestingly, that is when I am most myself, when everything else falls away. That is when I am in my power, because I have given up on trying to find control. I have surrendered to the moment. 

  We can also learn to cultivate presence in the more ordinary parts of our lives. A couple years ago there was a day when I showed up for myself by picking a flower. I remember I was feeling overwhelmed and was stressing about the future and how I felt behind as I was searching for a better job. It was getting to be too much so I followed an urge I had to go outside and take a walk. While walking I noticed a beautiful flower and without thinking, I picked it. I stopped letting my thoughts and worries carry me all over the place and I created space to just feel and listen to my gut. That created space and gave me room to breathe. My worries started to fall away because my focus shifted to this flower and the beauty of the world around me, and the next thing I knew I was dancing up the driveway and filling up a tiny vase to place the flower in. 

  I hadn’t been making time for sweet moments like this before then because I was too caught up in my mind. Later on that day whenever I started to feel overwhelmed again I would look over at the flower and feel peace. It was a reminder of a time when I slowed down and paid attention to my own needs. It also reminded me that life doesn’t have to be so heavy, and that I could live it more lightly. 

  I think being present has a lot to do with just following your intuition. That’s been something I’ve been doing ever since I made my first blog post here because I’ve felt pressure to create and share while not feeling up to it. Instead I wanted to be with my family during a time when they needed me, and allow myself time and space while navigating some significant life changes. I wanted to follow my own advice from my last post and not force myself to create for any external reason, but wait until I really wanted to. 

  Something that has kept me from doing the things I want and from creating in general is that I overthink the process. I think I need to learn more first, do more research, be more prepared. I don’t allow myself to just be and trust that where I’m at right now is good enough. I’ve been challenging this idea. There was a time a while back when I had a job interview that I tried to prepare very hard for. I had already been through a couple interviews for the company but this was my last one which would determine if I got hired. 

  I was feeling anxious and wanted to prepare more than I did but kept putting it off until I ran out of time. The day came, I was nervous but I knew my information and was doing pretty well. It was a mock interview, role play scenario and at one point I started to get hung up on an irrelevant question I’d asked the interviewer. Without really thinking about it I said “you know what, let’s come back to this later and move on to a different question”. After the interview my interviewer gave me some feedback and what she was most impressed with was how I handled that situation. She told me I was totally present and by smoothly moving the conversation along I avoided what could have been a complete stop on the exercise, where I might have gotten so flustered that I didn’t study hard enough that I stopped entirely. 

  Thinking back on this helps soothe my anxiousness because there may always be a part of you that thinks you aren’t ready. You can always be more prepared, if you really think about it. So what kind of assurance does that really offer us? Instead I think it’s best to prepare an amount that feels good to you but that doesn’t become obsessive, knowing that you did well and that if you are present that is all you can really do. Thought can only get us so far, presence does the rest.

  When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that the most powerful thing you can be is present. If you put off applying for a new job, or completing a project, or running an errand, eventually it will pile up. It will only lead to you sabotaging yourself. So stop waiting for some moment in the future when you will be smarter or more prepared or more knowledgeable. Seize the moment and trust that you have everything that you need within you, right now. Know that the best course of action can only come about when you are present, and paying attention to what is around you and within you. Realize that the more deeply you can show up for yourself, the better you can show up for others. And remember that presence is the most precious commodity there is, because it is love in its purest form.

  December 24, 2024

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• The Time You Spent Waiting to Create Was Not Wasted

  Have you ever felt guilty for having great ideas but not pursuing them? Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase “just do it” enough times that it’s getting to you, making you feel less than for not being able to commit and run with an idea the minute it enters your head. 

  This guilt creates an odd and unfortunate cycle. You judge yourself for the inaction but that judgment just creates even more inaction. You never reach the point of actually making something or sharing it with people because there’s all this pressure on you that’s self-inflicted. Creativity cannot thrive under such conditions. So what would happen if you took the pressure off? It’s not easy but it’s something I’ve been working on myself for the past year. 

  I’ll give you a little spoiler and tell you that the result is me publishing this first post on a blog that I’ve been wanting to start for years now. Each of the following are lessons I had to learn before I was ready to make this jump.

  No one judges you (and your process) as much as you do

  The day I realized that I judged myself more than anyone else ever could was a very freeing day. No one could possibly beat me in this regard. Because honestly, who has the time to criticize us as often as we criticize ourselves.

  There is beauty in you waiting to be realized. There is power in you longing to be brought forth. And I don’t think it will come out if you judge yourself and make yourself feel bad for not having started sooner. This just initiates that whole cycle of guilt and fear. And if you do manage to force yourself to create something I doubt it will be anywhere near as beautiful or impactful as it could have been, had you actually wanted to do it.

  A wise man once told me that if I ever got tired of playing the guitar I should leave it in its case and wait until I felt excited to play it again. He told me that if I forced myself to play I’d lose my love for it, and that it’s better to wait than force ourselves to do things that are meant to be enjoyable. 

  Don’t give up on creating altogether just because you don’t feel ready to go right now. Have patience with yourself and your creative process. 

  The little things add up over time

  When I look back at the past few years I can clearly trace a series of seemingly insignificant events that led me here, to starting this blog and even writing this particular piece.

  One thing that really held me back from starting a blog was that I couldn’t come up with the right name. A few years ago I came up with one that seemed perfect, but then the more I thought about it I felt that it put me into a box and gave the blog a singular focus. This didn’t feel right to me, since I’m someone with many different interests and I want to write about them all. Still, I couldn’t come up with a better name no matter how hard I tried, so I eventually stopped trying and pursued a different dream of mine. I went to Costa Rica and learned how to surf. And would you know what happened? I stumbled across the name I’d been looking for all along, one that encompases all the different parts of me.

  I never would have found the name had I not gone on that trip and discovered my love for surfing. I had always felt a pull towards the ocean and surfing but it wasn’t until then that I fully realized it. I learned that I’m in love with surfing, much like the way I’m in love with the Spanish language. They are both things that light me up from the inside out whenever I practice them. “Ola” in Spanish means “wave”. Surfing has taught me that I’m learning to ride the metaphorical waves of my life: in my perspective expanding, my relationships changing, the ups and downs of solo traveling, and even the fluctuations of my blood sugar as I’m a type 1 diabetic. The name encompasses so many things I want to write about, and leaves room for me to grow, but also to stand firm in who I am by including my name. The puzzle pieces came together at last and in a way I never would have expected.

  When we push ourselves to just go for it we’re not allowing things to fall into place the way they are meant to over time. 

  Appreciate how far you’ve come

  When we pay attention to the little things adding up and preparing us we can then appreciate where we’re being led. We can be grateful for where we’re at right now which will only bring us more abundance and ideas.

  I keep a lot of notes, and while working on this blog post I stumbled across one I’d written about a year ago that I simply titled “Fear”. I wrote out some of my fears at the time and how I was frustrated by them. What surprised me most was that here I am a year later, and I have either conquered each of the fears or am actively working on them. In fact, once I publish this post I will have overcome the last one. 

  To be honest though I’m not exactly sure “overcome” is the right word here, as I’ve learned there is no shame in being afraid. My fear is simply a part of me that wants to protect me, so I will make room for it but I will not allow it to stop me from creating and doing the things that I want to do.

  Push your comfort zone sustainably

  I believe bravery is a muscle that should be stretched slowly over time. You have to find what works for you and feels right. For me, I just try to take things one step at a time and be honest with myself about what I’m comfortable with. It comes down to taking that first step, getting used to the challenges that presents, and after that has become comfortable you take the next step. Some steps are bigger than others, and there will be times when you have to make a leap, but as long as you’re honest with yourself about what you’re ready for and that you are serious about growth then you can’t really go wrong.

  I actually started my first blog about 6 years ago. I followed my desire to write but I also pushed myself a lot and shared more than I was comfortable with. I published only one long blog post because of this. Looking back, I just wasn’t quite ready. I really wanted to be ready, and I pushed myself to do it, but it wasn’t my time. I was going through some difficult and transformative changes and I needed to let myself breathe and grow through that, and not force myself to create anything out of the pain I was still processing.

  Know that you don’t have to share anything before you’re ready

  If there’s one thing I wish I had done differently throughout my own process it’s that I would have written and created freely but kept it to myself. I was ready to write years ago but I wasn’t ready to put my work out there. I now read some of the old ideas I wrote down back then and wonder what I meant or where I was coming from.

  Sharing what you make can be exciting but your art is still valid even if you keep it for yourself. I wish I had created more for myself during those preparation years because then I would have book snippets, blog posts, songs, videos, films and paintings to look back on. If you decide to share what you make, that part can always come later when you feel more confident and have realized that no matter what happens or how people respond you won’t stop creating if that’s what you want to do. Having said that…

  Be proud of what you’ve already made

  It’s entirely possible that you are already a lot more brave and creative than you think. This means that it is also possible that you have already made many things; they have just flown under your radar. This could be because they didn’t feel big enough to you, they didn’t have the success you wanted them to, or you didn’t stick with them long enough. 

  In my case, I’ve mainly focused on my lack of writing blog posts and books over the years. That hyper focus on one area I was lacking in didn’t allow me to see all of the other things I’ve made. I wrote countless journal entries, college papers and short stories for creative writing classes that had all helped me grow immensely as a writer yet I couldn’t appreciate or even remember them because my focus was elsewhere.

  It actually wasn’t until I had a conversation recently with an old friend that I realized just how creative we had been together as teenagers. She reminded me of an improvised short film we’d made at my birthday party with our theatre friends and how I was so proud of the thing that I burned DVD copies of it for everyone to take home. Now imagine if you could have that same kind of enthusiasm for the small things you make, and how that would encourage you to keep on creating, through the good and the bad, the silly and the serious. 

  Of course the film probably isn’t that great and is now at least slightly embarrassing for us all but I couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of us for going for it and finally making a film because it was something we had wanted to do for years. We stopped planning and obsessing and we just went for it. I think the best part is that we had so much fun, and now we have our creation to look back on and laugh at for years to come.

  It doesn’t have to be perfect (and it never will be)

  Perhaps the biggest hurdle I’ve had to overcome is my desire to be perfect. Even in writing all of this I’ve noticed just how much pressure I’m putting on myself to make it come across a certain way. I’m overthinking and taking the fun and lightness out of the process, and now that I’m aware of it I can change that. Once we come to terms with the fact that we’ll never be perfect, because perfection does not exist, we will be truly liberated to create freely. 

  If your fear of not being perfect is the only thing left holding you back from creating then I want you to ask yourself this: am I okay with never creating anything for the rest of my life? Because if you’re waiting to be perfect you’ll never get there. I know from experience. We aren’t being fair or kind to ourselves when we think this way and some part of us knows it. We would never hold a child or someone we love to this unattainable standard so let’s stop holding ourselves to it. Allow whatever you make to be good enough, or great enough; it’s much more interesting that way anyhow. 

  When it’s your time you’ll know

  Around 10 months ago I woke up at 4:30 am in Costa Rica and I couldn’t fall back asleep. I tried but to no avail since the roosters were already awake and crowing. I tossed and turned for a while but then remembered a dream I’d had that I wanted to remember. I begrudgingly pulled out my laptop to write it down and before I knew it I was filling pages and pages of word documents with thoughts I’d been holding in. I had a lot of ideas that had been brewing for months but I kept coming up with reasons to put off writing them down. Some part of me had had enough. My time had come and once the floodgates were opened that early October morning there was no going back. My dream had waited for me to get nice and ready but it couldn’t wait any longer and neither could I. I was a writer through and through, only now I had the courage needed to truly be one.

  When you wait to create for many years you just might be lucky enough that you build and store up all sorts of ideas. Once you are ready to tend to them you will be blessed with a seemingly never ending fountain of material to work with. This will hopefully propel you into a consistent and rewarding creative process. 

  I think that those of us who have to work to be vulnerable and take up space can also appreciate showing up fully as ourselves much more. Once we are ready to finally take up space and speak our truth there is no going back, because we know the alternative. We don’t want to go back there and we won’t. No matter what happens, good or bad, we followed a desire we had and created something entirely our own. 

  You’re the only one who has to live with you. You might as well be proud of the things that you make and do. Personally, I want to live in a world where everyone feels confident to create whatever it is that their heart desires and to share it with the world if they so choose. I’m starting with myself. It’s time.

  August 24, 2022

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