Ola Lauren

It’s easy to get caught up in your thoughts and become bogged down by the weight of the past or anxieties about the future, all the while missing out on the one super power we all have the ability to possess: presence.

There’s a scene in the movie Lady Bird that I adore. It’s between the protagonist, Lady Bird, and a nun as they are discussing her college admissions essay:

“I read your college essay. You clearly love Sacramento.”

“I do?”

“You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.”

“Well, I was just describing it.”

“Well, it comes across as love.”

“Sure, I guess I pay attention.”

“Don’t you think that maybe they are the same thing? Love, and attention?”

This scene has stuck with me as I’ve wondered what love means over the years. More recently I’ve found that the only way to truly pay attention, and therefore to love, is to live life in the present moment. 

Isn’t it odd to think about how our lives only ever happen in the present? In some sense we know this, but the past and future can feel so real and important that they often occupy most of our thoughts and keep us distracted from enjoying what is happening right here, right now, in the only moment that ever exists. 

I didn’t know about the concept of presence until a few years ago when I read Eckhart Tolle’s books “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth”. I still valued presence even though I hadn’t really thought about it, and I tried not to be distracted when I would spend time with my family or friends. I had learned over the years just how much we all crave each other’s undivided attention, and I think I learned it most when working with children whose busy parents and teachers couldn’t always give them the undivided attention that they craved and deserved.

I have worked with kids from different parts of the world, in and outside of the United States, from various socioeconomic backgrounds, races, cultures and ages. No matter what makes these children different, one thing that makes them the same is how they blossom when an adult truly cares about them and is present with them. I have witnessed how much children notice when you are not distracted by your phone, that they pay attention to how much attention you pay them, and if you remember the things they tell you and take a genuine interest in who they are. 

I think one of the biggest threats to presence today is the prevalence of social media, technology, and the endless forms of entertainment that distract us. Sure, the internet can be amazing when it comes to sharing information widely, like I’m doing right now, and connecting with people far and wide, but it has an ugly side too. I very much dislike all of the harm it causes and how it continues to shorten our attention spans. 

I have stopped using most forms of social media because I’ve noticed how much time I spend scrolling while gaining little value. Even when I try to use apps that I think will be less addicting I still find myself turning to them to scratch an itch that keeps me occupied and distracted. I don’t like going to concerts or events and so many people are documenting what’s happening on their phones without actually taking it in and enjoying the moment, and I don’t like being around friends or family who are there with me physically but not in actuality because they are on their phones. 

I wonder what this all does to children whose formative years will be spent being entertained by phones, tablets and TVs, while their parents sit nearby on their own screens, yet aren’t really there for them. It means so much to a child, or anyone really, to receive someone’s undivided attention and I believe it is becoming more and more of a precious commodity. 

Wherever I am, I want to be there fully. I want to notice what is happening around me and appreciate all that the moment has to offer.

Two of my strongest passions in life currently are traveling and surfing. I think one of the reasons they are is because when I do them I am much more present than I am at any other time. I pay more attention. Both because I want to and I have to, for safety reasons. When I travel I am not concerned about my past or what I’ll be doing in the future because I am too focused on soaking up everything that there is to experience in the present. I am always learning and being challenged, everything is new and it’s as if my senses are in overdrive.

When I surf I am using all of my energy and awareness to stay safe in the ocean and try to catch a wave. I am still a beginner, so I have to be very aware of my surroundings and be in tune with my body. I’m paying attention to the way it feels to propel myself over a wave, hop up on my board, and find my balance as I ride a surge of energy towards the shore. I feel joy and peace gushing out of me when this happens. I really do think this happens because in those moments that is all that exists for me. I am engulfed in the present moment. I’m not bogged down by time, commitments, who I think I am supposed to be, money, or anything else. Interestingly, that is when I am most myself, when everything else falls away. That is when I am in my power, because I have given up on trying to find control. I have surrendered to the moment. 

We can also learn to cultivate presence in the more ordinary parts of our lives. A couple years ago there was a day when I showed up for myself by picking a flower. I remember I was feeling overwhelmed and was stressing about the future and how I felt behind as I was searching for a better job. It was getting to be too much so I followed an urge I had to go outside and take a walk. While walking I noticed a beautiful flower and without thinking, I picked it. I stopped letting my thoughts and worries carry me all over the place and I created space to just feel and listen to my gut. That created space and gave me room to breathe. My worries started to fall away because my focus shifted to this flower and the beauty of the world around me, and the next thing I knew I was dancing up the driveway and filling up a tiny vase to place the flower in. 

I hadn’t been making time for sweet moments like this before then because I was too caught up in my mind. Later on that day whenever I started to feel overwhelmed again I would look over at the flower and feel peace. It was a reminder of a time when I slowed down and paid attention to my own needs. It also reminded me that life doesn’t have to be so heavy, and that I could live it more lightly. 

I think being present has a lot to do with just following your intuition. That’s been something I’ve been doing ever since I made my first blog post here because I’ve felt pressure to create and share while not feeling up to it. Instead I wanted to be with my family during a time when they needed me, and allow myself time and space while navigating some significant life changes. I wanted to follow my own advice from my last post and not force myself to create for any external reason, but wait until I really wanted to. 

Something that has kept me from doing the things I want and from creating in general is that I overthink the process. I think I need to learn more first, do more research, be more prepared. I don’t allow myself to just be and trust that where I’m at right now is good enough. I’ve been challenging this idea. There was a time a while back when I had a job interview that I tried to prepare very hard for. I had already been through a couple interviews for the company but this was my last one which would determine if I got hired. 

I was feeling anxious and wanted to prepare more than I did but kept putting it off until I ran out of time. The day came, I was nervous but I knew my information and was doing pretty well. It was a mock interview, role play scenario and at one point I started to get hung up on an irrelevant question I’d asked the interviewer. Without really thinking about it I said “you know what, let’s come back to this later and move on to a different question”. After the interview my interviewer gave me some feedback and what she was most impressed with was how I handled that situation. She told me I was totally present and by smoothly moving the conversation along I avoided what could have been a complete stop on the exercise, where I might have gotten so flustered that I didn’t study hard enough that I stopped entirely. 

Thinking back on this helps soothe my anxiousness because there may always be a part of you that thinks you aren’t ready. You can always be more prepared, if you really think about it. So what kind of assurance does that really offer us? Instead I think it’s best to prepare an amount that feels good to you but that doesn’t become obsessive, knowing that you did well and that if you are present that is all you can really do. Thought can only get us so far, presence does the rest.

When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that the most powerful thing you can be is present. If you put off applying for a new job, or completing a project, or running an errand, eventually it will pile up. It will only lead to you sabotaging yourself. So stop waiting for some moment in the future when you will be smarter or more prepared or more knowledgeable. Seize the moment and trust that you have everything that you need within you, right now. Know that the best course of action can only come about when you are present, and paying attention to what is around you and within you. Realize that the more deeply you can show up for yourself, the better you can show up for others. And remember that presence is the most precious commodity there is, because it is love in its purest form.